Assalamualaikum and Happy Wednesday. Happy Teacher's Day to my mom too.
Somewhere somehow I felt a little bit distress about myself. My future, and everythings that I've already planned seems like fade away from my mind. I don't know what I want. And I don't even know how to heal these wounds.
I got Universiti Malaya. Ok fine admitted that I was terlebih over happy. But the happiness was temporary. And now I'm waiting for PILN MARA that got me interviewed last week. Being there, at Kolej Poly-Tech MARA Bangi waiting to be interviewed made me felt kinda down with myself. I saw fellow teens of my age and I saw confidence in their eyes. The way they talked, the way they laughed. Everythings seems so awkward for me. Feels like I'm nobody compared to them. And somewhere somehow I felt a little bit loser, and I don't have the space to joined them. Feels like I'm not one of the peeps who deserved the interview. And of course the result of interview. It just make me sick and sink at the bottom of my heart.
Peeps who knew me well will said I deserved to got the chance. They said I have the potential to achieved what I want but deep inside my heart, yes. Deep inside my heart I knew I was far from perfect. Far from what they already labelled me. So much things I need to chased to become like one of those people. One of those successful people who deserved the opportunity to achive the best study path.
Yeah right now I felt down again. After looked at PASUM's group, somehow they seemed like a group of people who was created with different genes from me. I looked at mysef and I looked at them. Whoa so many differences! I knew its bad to compare myself with others. I knew it wasn't going to help me build my self confidence at all. But I can't help myself with it.
My English is terrible. My social life is lame. My mind is closed and strongly surrounded by wall. My attitude is somehow childlish. My way of thinking is complicated.
Yeah I just don't feel like I belongs there. Wheter UM or Ireland.