Nov 30, 2012

Hadapi Kesedihan

Assalamualaikum. Blissful day of Friday.


Menaip dalam keadaan kedua belah betis sakit dan pergelangan kaki kiri terseliuh. Itulah padahnya bila ber-YOLO hari Selasa lepas. Mengeluh.


" Qila, Danial ajak tengok Breaking Dawn dengan Syiru sekali, nak tak? "


Laju kepala aku mengangguk. Teringat note yang aku highlight dekat buku ' JANGAN ENJOY ' tapi kalau dah suka berjalan tu berjalan jugak. Mengeluh lagi.


Jadi ceritanya selamat sudah ber-Breaking Dawn haritu. Aku keluar dengan Syiru, Dilla and Danial. Farah tak ikut sebab dah tengok dengan Amri dia. 





















Ololo cuwitnyeeee anak mama dua orang ni..


Habis tengok Breaking Dawn, temankan Danial carik highlight rambut dia. Balik UM pukul 9.30 malam. Tapi disebabkan teksi lalu jalan jauh, kitorang decide untuk turun kat Akademi Pengajian Islam and terus naik bukit simen. YOLO habis kau. Bukit tu dahlah gelap. Pohon pulak macam melambai-lambai sepi. Takut berulang balik tragedi malam kitorang ceroboh Fakulti Perubatan dulu tu je. Hewhew.


Dilla mengantuk. Danial penakut. Paranoid gila pasal hantu. Aku rasa nak sumbat mulut dia dengan kasut aku masa tu. Why ler Danial ni tak protective langsung -___-


Aku dengan Syiru paling awesome. Panjat bukit pakai heels. Sudahnya aku tak tahan sebab kaki dah sakit. Aku dengan Syiru bukak kasut and teruskan memanjat dengan kaki ayam. Awesome us are awesome. 


Sampai kat puncak, kitorang terus baring tengok langit. Ala-ala E.T gituww. Tapi Danial spoil gila. Sibuk nak menyempit celah kitorang sebab takut nak baring kat tepi. Risau sangat ada hantu kak limah sampuk dia. Aku rasa kalau ada pun hantu kak limah tu, dia gelak je tengok budak laki penakut mengalahkan orang perempuan. Amboih seronok bebenor aku mengutuk Danial ni al maklum lah dia takkan jumpa punya blog aku ni wakakakaka.


I love the precious beauty scenery at night when we saw it from the top of the hill =)




This is Kuala Lumpur at night. I wondered how Bangalore will look like at night. Is it the same as this? =(


Bila dah ada kat atas tu, kitorang main Truth or Dare. Aku tak tahu kenapa tapi aku rasa permainan itu sangat special. Sebab kadang kita rasa kita dah cukup kenal kawan kita tapi sebenarnya apa yang paling dia suka pun kita tak tahu. Macam masa aku main tu, baru aku tau Danial suka warna biru. Baru aku tau apa jenis orang yang Dilla tak suka. Baru aku tau Syiru punya kekecewaan yang terbesar. See? Dats why aku suka main permainan ni walaupun ada orang kata permainan ni tak best sebab kita kena dedahkan rahsia kita.


Bagi aku, tak semua perkara kita perlu simpan seorang. Kadang-kadang kita tak tahu ada orang yang sudi mendengar rahsia kita dan cukup amanah untuk rahsiakannya. Masa inilah kita kena belajar percaya. Belajar untuk menyimpan rahsia. Belajar untuk tunaikan amanah. Semua kita perlu belajar sebab itulah tujuan kita membesar. Belajar dan terus belajar. Two ways learning process. Apa yang kau beri, itulah apa yang kau akan terima. 


Prinsip hidup aku mudah. Kalau aku tak suka orang buat sesuatu perkara tu kat aku, maka aku pun takkan buat perkara yang sama pada dia. Easy as that. Jadi kalau aku tak suka orang bocorkan rahsia yang aku percaya dia akan menyimpannya, maka aku pun takkan bocorkan pada orang.


Thats why aku tak kisah main permainan ni. Teheee peace.


Aku tak tau apa yang Syiru, Dilla dengan Danial rasa tapi bagi aku, aku cukup gembira malam tu. Walaupun setiap kali kitorang berkumpul berempat mesti ada benda gila yang kitorang buat, aku tetap rasa yang gila itulah yang istimewa. Yang pelik itulah yang sebenarnya akan kita ingat. 


Berkumpul dengan dorang buatkan aku rasa aku masih kanak-kanak sekolah yang kerjanya asyik nak bersuka ria berjimba tak tentu hala. Masih lagi bersih dari fikirkan apa yang akan jadi hari esok. Bebas dari kerisauan pasal kehidupan yang memang tak pernah mudah. Memang orang kata bergembira tanpa fikirkan hari esok itu tak bagus. Tapi bagi aku, buat apa kau sibuk fikirkan hari esok dan kau tak nikmati hari ini yang kau masih ada tu? Kau yakin esok kau akan lebih gembira berbanding hari ini? Kau yakin esok kau mampu tersenyum kalau hari ini kau tak belajar senyum?


Dan yang paling penting, kau yakin esok masih ada untuk kau?


Dats why kita perlu nikmati hidup kita. Susah manapun, pahit manapun masa lalu seseorang tu tak bermakna dia tak berhak jalani kehidupan yang bahagia. Tak susah nak bahagia. Kau hanya perlu tunaikan kewajipan kepada Tuhan kau, hargai apa yang kau ada dan sentiasa nikmati apa yang kau hadapi.


Aku tak cakap hidup aku senang. Takde siapa yang punyai hidup senang. Tapi kalau hidup kita susah, pahit, perit, derita macam mana pun, kita punyai pilihan untuk jadikannya senang. Kalau kita kata kita mahu gembira, jalan itu sentiasa ada. Cuma perlu buka mata untuk sedar yang gembira dan bahagia itu ada dimana-mana. Sentiasa ada. 


Jangan butakan mata kau untuk melihat sisi yang positif dalam kehidupan pahit kau itu ok.


Bagi aku sendiri pun, aku tahu memang susah nak nampak kegembiraan masa kau tengah sedih. Aku pun, kalau tengah sedih memang aku rasa dunia ni tak indah langsung. Rasa suram je. Sama macam nak mencari kebahagiaan dalam musibah. Boleh kata macam mustahil je nak nampak. Tapi satu yang aku boleh cakap.


Teruskan je. Tutup mata kau terhadap kesedihan tu dan lakukan apa yang terlintas dalam fikiran kau. Sebab secara lumrahnya manusia memang akan mencari jalan untuk hilangkan kesedihan mereka. Lakukan apa yang kau rasa selama ini remeh pada pandangan mata kau. Contohnya, panjat bukit dengan kawan kau.  Jalan-jalan keliling taman. Beli air dan duduk tepi tasik. Tak pun, lawat jiran sebelah bilik kau dan ajak mereka tengok movie sama-sama walaupun sebelum ini kau tak pernah pun tegur mereka (akulah tu wakaka) Memang macam remeh temeh, tapi kalau kau betul-betul hargai saat yang kau habiskan dengan mereka, kau akan sedar yang kau masih boleh tersenyum. 


Macam yang aku kata, kadangkala yang gila dan pelik itulah yang sebenarnya membahagiakan kita =)


* * * * * * * * * *


Main reason kenapa aku relate panjat bukit dengan hadapi kesedihan ialah, aku sememangnya tengah bersedih masa dorang ajak keluar tengok movie tu. Dan waktu panjat bukit pun, kesedihan tu masih berganda. Tapi aku bersyukur kerana dah temui bahagia di atas bukit itu bersama mereka.


Kadangkala, kita tak keseorangan. Masih ada yang sudi bersama kita. Cuma kadang kita tak nampak.


Nov 21, 2012

Friends

Assalamualaikum.


" Qila, nanti bukak dashboard tau. "


" Ok. Ada apa? "


" Adalah, bukak je. Jangan lupa tau. "


Aku pegang kata-kata Dilla. Balik bilik aku pinjam laptop Hanum then bukak dashboard.


* * * * * * * * * *



dear qila


dah lama tak menulis. dan tak pandai menulis. log in ke blog dengan satu harapan. harapan menulis untuk seseorang yang aku sayang dapat baca apa yang aku tulis.


dear qila,


you knew that im not good with words kan. apa lagi affection.so for me to do this, its taking kinda a lot of time to figure out things that i should say.


i knew what you felt qila.


and i know that youre not gonna stop. not gonna giving up. cause he is just not someone who is inside your heart, but he is someone that made you aqila syahiena. he brought something in your life. he brought happiness, sadness yet indiscribeable feeling. yeah. i knew that. so qila. im not gonna tell you to stop,which i knew you wouldnt. im here, always here to hear everything you wanna tell, to watch every single thing happen through out your journey, and to be here, hold your hand and make it through every single dream that we dream about. i may not seem to care, but i do.i may not seem to hear, but i do, i may not seem to support you but seriously i do.


im here to tell you,


waiting isnt a crime.

love,
adillahfarhana


* * * * * * * * * *


" Nah tulis something yang describe pasal diri aku kat dalam buku ni. "


" Qila ni perasan gila. "


" Tulis jelah. Tau tau! Kau, Syiru dengan Farah kena tulis jugak "






* * * * * * * * * *


Tears. 


Despite all my sadness for losing my crying shoulder, I'm happy here.


I have them as my friends. They do care bout me. They're here by my side. Maybe its not the same as others, but I do love them too. They brighten up my day. They gave me reasons to smile and laugh. They cheer me up when gloomy day arise. They are willing to wipe my tears. They made me stronger than ever. Yes, because I love them.


I can't tell you everything through Line or WhatsApp like I used to do before. But I know this distance will create a better me. I gotta lot to learn. Learn to be matured, stronger, happier and to be a better person than I am right now. I will. And I know I can.


Distance makes the heart grows fonder. So lets just live well and breath. When the right times come, both of us are better than we're now.


Lantern

Assalamualaikum. Blissful day of Wednesday.


Aku try installed Blogger-droid sebelum ni untuk update blog ke dalam phone aku. Tapi tadi aku pinjam laptop Hanum untuk tengok blog aku, bum kebabooom rasa kecewa menyembah tanah. Blog aku buruk. Gambar tak tersusun, Semua serba tak kena. Disebabkan aku salah seorang penghidap minimum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, aku edit balik semua entry yang aku publish pakai Blogger-droid. Lepas ni nak uninstall! Confirm. Biar update blog seminggu sekali pinjam laptop Hanum pun takpe janji aku bahagia dengan blog aku.


Itu bukan cerewet namanya. Kalau tak tahu apa itu Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), pegi Google. Guna kemudahan yang ada.


Dua tiga hari ini aku tidur awal. Lepas Maghrib aku dah syahid atas katil. Pukul sepuluh bangun untuk solat Isyak then sambung tidur balik. Sebenarnya takdelah penat mana pun minggu ni tapi disebabkan kelas tutorial dan amali tak mula lagi, maka banyak masa senggang yang pelajar Pasum ada. Di saat aku menaip entry ini, percayalah bahawasanya hampir 60% pelajar Pasum tengah online atau tidur. Selebihnya tengah berjoli kat Mid Valley. Tengok Breaking Dawn mungkin *sigh


Jadi ceritanya hari ini aku hanya ada dua lectures. Statistics and Probability dan Basic Physics 3. Tahap fokus aku sangat tinggi semasa lecture Statistics and Probability tapi semasa Basic Physics 3, aku sibuk tulis dalam notebook pasal barang-barang yang aku rancang nak kumpul duit dan beli. Tehee.


Selepas habis lecture tekak terasa macam nak makan wafel lalu Syiru dan Dilla temankan pergi Daily Fresh yang letaknya bersebelahan library. Dua minggu lebih aku mengidam nak makan wafel dengan aiskrim kat sini. Well, its Qila I'm talking about. The real Qila. Kuat makan tapi alhamdulillah with all His wills, tetap tak gemuk. Lol.


On the way going back to college, we saw Lantern Festival's site at Perdanasiswa. Ada banyak tanglung berbentuk naga, ular, singa and even khinzir -_-


Camwhore us will always be camwhore.






Alah tak clear lah pulak gambar atas sekali belah kanan tu. Ok this is it. Mempersembahkan.






Lol.


* * * * * * * * * *


Now I know the schedule. My Line will 'ping' after 2.00 am at Malaysia time. No matter we're in the same time zone or not, it will always be Bangalore whom sleep earlier than me -___-


Sem Two of PASUM

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.


So today is the second day of sem two at Yu Em.






Berbekalkan semangat baru yang aku kutip celah rumah, aku pulang ke Yu Em dengan jiwa besar ingin berjaya. Dan semangat baru aku itu terus diuji dengan hari pertama kuliah dimana lectures straight TUJUH JAM wohoi gilo bak angg! Tak pernah punggung aku sekebas semalam. Balik bilik terus tidur macam orang mati. Terbang semua semangat nak buat revision. Lol.


Aku tertidur since lepas asar then maghrib bangun untuk sembahyang. Nasib baik Hanum kejut kalau tak mesti kena azab aku kat neraka nanti nauzubillah. Lepas maghrib aku sambung tidur balik. Pukul sembilan terjaga sebab lapar. Merengek kat Hanum sebab lapar. Aku bersyukur punyai roomate macam Hanum. Sanggup dia suapkan aku makan while me rolling in the blanket tehee =P Nampak tak nampak penatnya macam mana. Mungkin kau tak rasa tapi kalau kau dah hidup satu semester kat Pasum, kau akan faham betapa brutalnya jadual belajar kat sini. Serius!


Jadi ceritanya subuh tadi aku bangun dengan perasaan berbunga-bunga. As fresh as ever! Lol hampir sepuluh jam aku tidur kalau tak fresh jugak aku tak tau nak cakap apa dah.


Jadual harini sepatutnya ada taklimat dari KPT. Pasal apa aku tak pasti. Kalau pasal dia nak ajar pengurusan kewangan yang baik, thanks jelah. I gonna get F+ for dat! Spending money is my greatest talent ever. I can tell ya. Dear future salary, beware!


Jadi ceritanya (lagi) aku bersemangat pergi auditorium dengan harapan nak dengar taklimat tu. Bila sampai sana tengok semua orang patah balik. Damn. Taklimat batal. Buat penat iron baju je semalam. Termangu-mangu takde hala tuju, aku, Dilla, Syiru and Farah terus grab teksi pergi Mid Valley. Dalam kepala fikir nak tengok movie je. Geram punya pasal taklimat batal. Hewhew. Alasan je tu Qila alasan. Kalau dah kaki jalan tu kaki jalan jugak. Blehh.


Done with Istanbul Aku Datang. K fine. Now in progress for Bangalore Aku Datang. Hikhuk.


Farah kata dia nak cuba makan Dubu Dubu which is Korean restaurant. Aku dah dua kali makan kat situ. Err not bad lah tapi tekak Jawa aku ni tak boleh terima sangat makanan dia. Setakat makan untuk suka-suka tu okeylah. Tapi kalau spend duit untuk kenyang kat situ memang aku surrender. Boleh sakit kepala dibuatnya. Panas dan pedas, which is not a good combination I can tell ya.


Tapi sudahnya aku pulun jugak Chicken Sondubu Jigae dengan Spice Toppoki. Kalau dah kuat makan tu kuat makan jugak -___-


Chicken Sondubu Jigae



My ayah tell me to focus on this new semester and kurangkan hiburan, but on the second day of sem two I've already watched movie and Mid Valley's. Lol. Imma such a bad ass.


Me and Syiru. Like a total retards.


Dubu Dubu's bimbo


Whatever it is, I enjoyed this sem two! Gonna embraced these few months with sweet memories and precious moments with all my beloved. Although without Bangalore ;')


Nov 18, 2012

Anna's Memo

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.


Anna's here. She sat on her bed and opened her phone's memo. A sudden thought came across her mind. She quickly scrolled until she found this memo. 


She still keep this. Together with the others.



* * * * * * * * * *



Semalam aku mengetahui kau akan meninggalkan aku jauh di bumi India. Aku gembira dan dalam masa yang sama kesedihan menghimpitku. Gembira kerana akhirnya kau berjaya memperoleh apa yang kau inginkan. Sedih kerana kau akan meninggalkanku jauh di hadapan.


Berkali aku berusaha mengejarmu namun tidak pernah tercapai. Kau seolah-olah ditakdirkan untuk terus berlari dihadapanku dan aku dibelakang mengejar walaupun lelah mendatang. Lelah itu sering kutepis jauh kerana apa yang aku tahu, aku ingin sekali berlari seiring denganmu biarpun jalan kita mungkin tidak sehaluan.


Kau telah memilih jalanmu dan aku memilih jalanku. Dalam hati aku tanamkan semoga jalan kita akan bertemu dan aku akan sentiasa berlari disisimu tanpa perlu mencari hilangnya dirimu. Biarpun aku mungkin akan terjatuh berkali-kali, aku harap kau akan sudi berhenti sebentar untuk menyambutku.


Aku melepaskanmu pergi jauh agar kau dapat mencapai impian serta merealisasikan mimpimu. Aku gembira atas pilihan yang kau buat. Aku berharap walau jauh mana kau melata, kau akan mengingati aku disini, tertinggal di bumi Malaysia. 


Bila tiba waktunya, aku akan menantimu di tanah air dengan hati dan perasaan yang masih sama. Berharap itulah detik jalan kita akan bertemu dan berakhir bersama.


11/10/2012 6:32


* * * * * * * * * *


She closed her phone. Grabbed her pillow and hugged it tightly. No warm fluids streamed down her cheeks. Not at all. Its just an unpleasent annoying sadness in her heart. 


Maybe, just maybe. She still feel his presence in Malaysia.


Nov 17, 2012

Blogger-droid

Assalamualaikum.


Err rasa canggung sikit.


Entry ni aku publish guna Blogger-droid. Entah jadi entah tidak. Harapnya jadi.


Disebabkan esok aku balik ke UM, mesti blog ni akan terbiar sepi tak bernyawa. Laptop takde. Ada phone je. Nak taip kat phone malas. Leceh pun ada. Makanya aku try install Blogger-droid ni dan berharap aku boleh berceloteh secara biasa di sini nanti. Ehehehe.


Ni testing. Ampun maaf kalau membuang masa sesiapa yang baca post ni.


Salam sayang dari Qilafairy. Panggil Snow White pun boleh jugak. Lol

Nov 16, 2012

White Sari

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.


Menaip dalam keadaan mengesat hidung yang penuh dengan hingus sambil memangku kucing comel yang tak reti duduk diam. 


Baru terjaga dari tidur sebenarnya. Hari ini sepanjang siang aku temankan mama carik kain baju kat Jalan TAR. Disebabkan UM letaknya kat area-area situ je, serious aku rasa nak muntah dah ikut jalan yang sama je sepanjang dah enam bulan ni. Bosang bosang.


Jadi ceritanya mama nak carik kain sari untuk dibuat baju kurung. Entah berapa pasang beliau borong pun aku tak pasti. Yang aku tau, aku borong enam pasang jugak. Wakaka. 


Finally I met one sari I've been looking for. White sari. K fine warna putih tak menarik langsung tapi takpe aku suka. Sejak kebelakangan ni kebanyakan baju aku semuanya warna putih. Donno why but I kinda like it. Resembled pureness and fairness. Eh.


Ingat nak letak gambar sari putih tu tapi battery laptop tinggal 19 %. Malas.


Bila pandang sari teringat orang Bangalore. Aku ada kirim sari warna putih tapi nak sampai Malaysia jawabnya lima tahun lagi ler. Takpe cukup lima tahun aku tunggu. Eh eh.


Sebenarnya memang takde motif aku nak bercerita malam ni. Bukak Facebook takde menda. Bosang. Bukak Twitter pun takde menda. Bosang jugak. Nak bukak Line ke WhatsApp ke Instagram ke, wifi kat rumah takde. So bosang lagi. Sudahnya aku decide nak tido jelah.


Berharap hari esok dan seterusnya akan menjanjikan sesuatu yang lebih baik.


Nighty night. Qila wanna have a long long sleep. Well you know me kan? =)

Nov 14, 2012

Masa Silam

Assalamualaikum. 


Menu sarapan hari ini ialah nasi lemak dan udang masak cili. Tung tang tung tang aku berhempas pulas kat dapur. Maklumlah jarang buat sarapan.


Keluarga aku merupakan salah satu keluarga yang tak bersarapan kat rumah. Boleh kata setiap hari mama dan ayah akan sarapan kat tempat kerja masing-masing. Tinggallah aku kesepian melangut takde makanan. K tipu padahal melangut kat katil muahaha.


Jadi ceritanya lepas aku kenyang bersajikan nasi lemak lauk udang dan secawan nescafe, aku terus masuk bilik untuk lipat selimut. Tiba-tiba mata terarah kat satu tempat.






Segaris senyum pahit untuk sesaat dua.


Dah bertahun aku letak kat sudut bilik dan tak pernah perasan pun kewujudan kotak tu. Tiba-tiba harini mata jadi sensitif nak pandang pulak.


Aku bukak almari dan keluarkan dua biji bantal yang dah bertahun jugak aku tak sentuh. Dua biji bantal yang datangnya bersama-sama kotak itu tiga tahun lepas.






Segaris senyuman pahit sekali lagi.


Kadang aku tertanya-tanya, masih ingatkah dia padaku lepas bertahun-tahun? Apa yang aku tau, sekarang dia masih lagi berbahagia dengan girlfriend zaman sekolahnya. Yang pasti seribu kali ganda lebih sepadan dengan dia.


Tapi itu cerita dulu. Antara aku dengan dia, dah ada satu ending yang nyata. Antara aku dengan dia, masing-masing dah bawa haluan sendiri. Dia dengan kebahagiaan hidup dia. Aku dengan jalan nak capai kebahagiaan aku.


Sudahlah tu. Buang semua kenangan. Campak jauh-jauh benda yang dah tak berguna. 


First love is beautiful, but wasn't meaningful if it never gonna be the last love in one's life.


May happiness be with you all the time Hizamie. And for sure, it will never came from me. Never again.


Keras Kepala

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.


" Ila selalu pelik dengan makcik-makcik ni. Suka jaja keburukan anak sendiri. Kadang tu siap lawan lagi banding-bandingkan anak siapa yang paling buruk perangainya. Kalau nak orang pandang anak dia sebagai seorang yang baik, kenapa mesti jaja keburukan anak sendiri? Itulah yang orang akan nampak. Keburukan, bukan kebaikan. "


Mama yang tengah drive tersenyum.


" Biasalah makcik-makcik kadang anggap benda tu gurauan.. "


" Gurau tak gurau pun, kalau orang sibuk mengata keburukan anak dia tau pulak dia nak marah "


Mama pusing stereng masuk selekoh.


" Kakak Nurul pun dulu pernah cakap camtu kat Wak Yah. Fikiran kamu dengan Kakak Nurul ni sama je. "


Aku yang tengah pandang jalan mula tersengih.


" Maknanya Ila ni sama keras kepala macam Kakak Nurul lah ye? "


" Keras kepala tu memang iye. Tapi mama rasa kamu lebih mirip macam Kakak Yan. "


" Mirip macam mana? "


" Keras kepala tu satu hal. Dah tu kamu tu suka ikut cakap sendiri je kadang-kadang. "


Aku buat muka toya.


" Bukan mama nak kata perangai tu tak bagus.. Cuma kamu kena guna keras kepala kamu tu kat tempat yang sepatutnya. Keras kepala tu yang buat kamu jadi tegas sebenarnya. Tak salah kamu nak keras kepala tapi janganlah sampai memudaratkan diri sendiri. Faham? "


Aku angguk je. Tapi dalam hati terfikir.


Keras kepala ke aku ni? Tetiba rasa sedih pulak bila mama label aku camtu.


Setahu aku, ada orang pernah cakap yang aku ni senang dibawak bincang. Tak cerewet kalau orang suruh buat apa-apa. Bila berkawan pun aku tak banyak songeh. Oranglah yang kata, bukan aku. Dah tu menatang mana datangnya keras kepala aku ni?


Mungkin dengan keluarga je kot aku keras kepala. Sebab aku anak sulung. Aku tak boleh lemah depan adik-adik aku. Mungkin jugak mama dan ayah yang sebenarnya tak pernah nampak side sebenar diri aku. Yang memang aku saja taknak tunjukkan kalau depan dorang.


Enam tahun duduk asrama. Membesar pun depan kawan, bukan depan mata mama dan ayah. Lebih banyak perkara yang aku kongsi dengan kawan berbanding keluarga sendiri. Even period pun kat asrama, bukan kat rumah.


Jadi kiranya aku membesar bukan disaksikan oleh mama dan ayah. Wajarlah kalau mereka tak begitu mengenali aku kan?


Sedih pulak tetiba. Hmm.


Nov 13, 2012

My Words

Assalamualaikum.


I just wanna tell you that, don't ever feel that you're alone. I'm here. I will listen to your problems in whatever state I can. I'll try to be a good listener.


Don't you ever feel that you're alone okay. If I'm not there, Allah does. 


The way I love people is simple. I care and appreciate them. Yes.


I care of you. I appreciate your presence in my life.


Maybe on the outside, I seems to be talkative and childish. Maybe you saw me as one of the person who will walk away everytime you needed me. No I'm not. 


I will never walk away from people that I loved. Be it family, or friends, or even someone younger than me. I will never walk away. That's my words. If you do know me long and well enough, then you should believe in me.


Once you're in my life, you will never have an ending in my chapter of life. You will always be there. 


Trust me. I may be not a good friend, and I know that. I just try to be a loyal friend.


You can count on me like one two three. InsyaAllah :D











Dear David Amos, I hoped you're doing well. If you're reading this now ( I hoped you're not. SERIOUSLY ) I just wanna tell you that I'm not so talkative here. I'm afraid nobody can hear my childhood story as patience as you tehee =P Thank you for being a good listener to me. And crying shoulder. And the one who always accompanied me everytime I stayed up studying all night ( even you will always fall asleep -_- ) 


Thank you for your treat on nasi goreng pedas gila. Thank you for your kindness walked me and Dilla to Maman's house. Thank you for your coincidence trip to Mid Valley. Thank you for knowing my favourite type of blouse. Thank you for your treat on ayam masak merah. Thank you for the movie Looper. Thank you for the Sprite and popcorn. Thank you for the ice cream. Thank you for the birthday present. Thank you for the key chain. Thank you for the letter.


And thank you for the Nashrin's song.


For all that you've done to me whether coincidence or not, thank you. I cannot say this to you bcos I really donno how to express all these hahaha. As I've told you, I can't speak well. I just know how to write well.


You're one of my closest friend. And will always be.


* * * * * * * * * *


I REALLY SHOULDN'T OPEN MY BLOG COZ I KNOW I'LL ENDED UP WRITING ALL THESE WITHOUT CONCIOUS OH NOOOOOOOOO * tampar muka sendiri *


Highlight perenggan sebelum gambar sahaja okey. Yang bawah gambar tu hanya selingan. Abaikan. Amaran keras ni.


Nov 12, 2012

Minat


Assalamualaikum.


" Tadi kawan Ameen tanya pasal kakak. Dia tanya kakak ni baik ke tak, pandai masak ke tak. Ameen fikir camni hah. Kalau Ameen kata baik, nanti dia mintak nombor telefon kakak. So Ameen cakaplah yang kakak ni garang. Pernah tumbuk muka Ameen sampai patah gigi Ameen. "


Me was laughing till ma heart out of my rib cage.


" Pastu kawan kau tu cakap apa? "


" Dia kata hmm takpelah kalau camtu terima kasih je. "


Direct gila budak bawah umur nak nilai aku. Wakaka. Nasib baik aku bukan pedophile nak suka budak-budak ni (Lol padahal dalam hati suka gilaaaaa ada secret admirer!)






Dat black shirt one is my brother. Kalau dulu kecik-kecik dia langsung tak reti nak protect ke nak back up aku atau mak aku. Contoh camni hah.


Mama : Ameen tolong jagakan handbag mama dengan beg kakak ni kejap ye. Mama dengan kakak nak masuk kedai tu kejap.


Sejam kemudian.


Ameen : Mama nah beg mama dengan kakak ni.


Mama : Eh mama belum siap lagi ni. Peganglah kejap kenapa kamu bagi kat mama?


Ameen : Ameen nak masuk toilet kejap takkan nak bawak beg mama dengan kakak sekali.


-_____-


Tu dia cerita beberapa tahun lepas. Walaupun aku anak sulung tapi disebabkan aku ni perempuan, mama dengan ayah selalu anggap aku macam adik dan Ameen ialah abang. Dan disebabkan juga Ameen ni tak berapa nak ada kesedaran sivik lagi, aku tak pernah rasa selamat walaupun mama harapkan dia jaga aku dari sebarang bahaya. Lol sudahnya aku yang jaga diri aku sendiri.


Tapi sejak Ameen masuk SBPI Sabak Bernam, dia dah semakin boleh diharap untuk jaga aku dan mama kalau keluar dari rumah. Sekali lagi insiden macam kat atas tadi berlaku tapi dengan ending yang berbeza.


Mama : Ameen tolong pegangkan beg mama dengan kakak ni kejap.


Aku : Kalau ada orang call biar je tau! (Menyibuk)


Sejam kemudian.


Mama : Eh mana beg mama dengan kakak? Kamu tak pegangkan ke?


Ameen : Tadi Ameen pegi toilet kejap. Ameen simpan beg mama dengan kakak kat loker simpan barang yang ada guard tu.


^_____^

Tanda Kasihku

Assalamualaikum. Greetings.


Sedang aku sibuk membasuh pinggan lepas makan nasi dan ikan gelama goreng, mama laung dari ruang tamu.


" Kak, mama teringin nak makan ikan pekasam kak.. Gorengkanlah mama ikan pekasam.. "


Waktu tu penat bermaharajalela dalam diri. Plan aku ialah lepas je makan, aku nak duduk depan tv sampai mengantuk then terus tidur. Walaupun hakikatnya aku dah tiga malam berjaga malam tak boleh tidur. Hewhew.


Jadi dalam hati aku rasa macam 'Alah penatnya nak masak. Bukannya aku reti pun ikan pekasam tu rupa apa' Aku pun jawab.


" Mana Ila reti ma.. " (Dengan muka malas dan nada yang annoying)


Selepas itu aku direct pergi masuk dalam bilik nak baring atas katil tapi suddenly aku terfikir sesuatu.


Selama aku duduk asrama dulu, kalau aku teringin nak makan ayam masak merah ke nasi lemak ke boleh je mama datang dari Meru ke Pasir Salak walaupun terpaksa bangun awal pagi semata-mata untuk masakkan aku. Jadi kenapa setakat ikan pekasam tu aku berkira pulak?


Tiba-tiba jugak aku rasa berdosa dengan ibu aku sendiri. Lapan belas tahun hidup ni, banyak ke perkara yang aku buat untuk gembirakan hati ibu aku? Layak ke kalau aku nak cium bau syurga dari tapak kaki beliau?


Teringat jugak blog Aliah Farhah yang aku baca minggu lepas. Her mother was sick and she tried everything to make her mother happy and well. She cooked for her, she took a good care of her and she even tweet bout her mother every single time. She loves her mother in whatever state her mother is.


Aku rasa malu dengan diri aku sendiri. Serius malu.


Jadi berbekalkan rasa kasih sayang aku pada mama, aku masakkan jugak ikan pekasam tu. Setakat belajar masak ikan pekasam, apalah sangat kalau nak dibandingkan dengan apa yang mama dah belajar untuk besarkan aku sampai aku jadi macam hari ini.


So I went back to the kitchen and grabbed some ikan pekasam in the fridge.


Ok macam gini rupanya ikan pekasam..





Bukannya aku tak reti masak. Cuma disebabkan aku tak berapa suka makan ikan dan daging, aku jarang masak apa-apa yang berkaitan ikan atau daging. Selalunya kalau aku ada kat rumah, menu utama untuk seminggu mesti ayam. Ayam ayam ayam ayam. Sampai perut adik-adik aku pun macam ayam. Hewhew.


Jadi itulah mukadimahnya kenapa aku tak pandai masak ikan pekasam. Rupa ikan tu pun aku baru kenal tadi.


Aku goreng secukup rasa dan bila aku dah siap, aku panggil mama untuk makan. Walaupun mungkin hanya sekadar ikan pekasam yang rasanya entah hapa-hapa, aku tetap masak dengan ikhlas. Berharap perasaan sayang aku itu tersalur pada mama melalui ikan pekasam ni.






Dan aku gembira mama makan dengan penuh selera.


Sampai ke saat ni aku tetap tak boleh nak hilangkan perasaan bersalah sebab terdetik dalam hati untuk malas turutkan permintaan mama itu tadi. Sungguh, aku masih jauh untuk jadi seorang anak yang baik.


Walau macam mana sekalipun seorang ibu tu, dia tetap insan yang telah melahirkan kita ke dunia ini. Syurga kita bawah telapak kaki mereka. Kalaulah syurga bawah tapak kaki pun kita malas nak hormat, toksah mengadalah nak cari pemilik tulang rusuk bagai. 


Aku sayangkan mama. Aku berharap aku sempat kecapi peluang untuk berusaha supaya suatu hari nanti, aku mampu mencium bau syurga bawah tapak kaki mama.


Dan aku berdoa semoga mama turut serta bersama-sama aku untuk mencium bau syurga itu. Amin.

Nov 9, 2012

My Appreciation

Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah.


Despite everything that happened to me since these few days, I think I better get myself some entertainment with my friends. After all, they're the only living crying and laughing shoulder that I have instead of my family :')


Tomorrow is my MUET day and omagad I nearly forgot bout dat! Seriouslyyyyy -,- If I'm not logged in to my Facebook I should be forgotten bout it now and ever haila Qila dummy you. I should struggle myself for at least band 4 and then I'll be able to have sightly bright chance to further my study at UM tehee. InsyaAllah.


I've got myself thinking bout my future and alhamdulillah, medicine is my choice. Maybe firstly I decided to choose this course bcoz of someone (I'll never mention his name. EVER) but now I knew medicine is the most suitable pathway for me insyaAllah. I've done my istikharah and alhamdulillah I still attach to this honourable course. Now I'm deeply in love with medicine. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.


And nothing's better than my parents' bless. They always supported me to do medicine and I will try my best to repay all their sacrifice since the day I was born. I love you mom and dad. I really love both of you. I'll try my best to be a daughter both of you can be proud of. I really do. I'll stick to my words insyaAllah.


I donno why I ended up writing these in my blog but, I just wanna thank all of you. All of you whom always supported me in whatever I did. Maybe I'm alone, yes. I still feel that I'm alone in dis world but then if everyone thinks the same way as I did, maybe. Just maybe, we're all alone and we're not alone if everyone thinks they're alone. Seems leggit kan? Hihi.


I love all of you.


My family, Farah Syairah, Zaidatul Dalila, Nurul Assyifa, Siti Mariam, Nur Qhuraisya, Zahra Fida, Nur Amanina, Zakiah Hanum, Syahirah, Umi Aisha, Siti Suhana, Nurin Nadzlah, Marsya Nasyirra, Syahirah Nadiah, my 5A's classmates, my R1's classmates, my P2's classmate and all of you.


All of you whom I love and love me. Thank you for loving me in whatever state I am.


I love you. Always.


May Allah bless each one of you. May Allah repay all your kindness to me. May Allah ease your journey now and hereafter. Please, please do remember dat I love each one of you. Will always do. InsyaAllah.






Sleeping beauty of Aurora, Aqila Syahiena. Lol


Nov 8, 2012

Just A Poem


No tears.

No words.

Nothing at all.

I just live my life like nothing happened.

But deep inside there.

There's something made me heart burn.

Its not distance.

Not even your absence here.

Its your silence.

Can't help myself from think on the negative way.

Did you hate me already?

Did I made your life there turn uneasy when it came to remember my name?

Did you hate me?

For sending you go with such inappropriate way?

Did you hate me?

For everything?

Is it a burden for you to tell me about your life there?

I got nowhere to tell.

Its quiet life I got here.

And sure you will never feel this.


" Ingatkah engkau kepada embun pagi bersahaja, yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya.. "


* * * * * * * * * *


P/s : Harini aku masak spaghetti. Mama tambah dua kali, Wafi tambah tiga kali. Ayah suruh masak lagi. Lololol.

Pp/s : Siapa nak beli dress cantik-cantik bawah RM 100, sila log in pesbuk anda dan buka Muslimah Shoppers. Aku spend RM 160 kat situ semalam dan rasa macam nak terbang pegi dinner memana hotel nak tayang baju punya pasal. Lololol lagi sekali.


Nov 6, 2012

Here's Anna's Words

" I just read your blog. And all I can say is have faith. You believe in Allah's words don't you? He will give you the best, the ones you could never imagine off. If he's yours, Allah will send him right at your door when the right time comes. Yes, for now, time is the only answer. And for the time being, prepare. You are, aren't you? So don't stop. Don't stop the preparation, to become better you than the yesterday-you. Believe dear. If you are made from his rib, be it million miles, be it thousand years, Allah will send him to you. And keep du'a, for it to last fiddunya wal'akhirah. Amin. I'll always be praying for you sayang. Hang on. You got a strong heart, secure it. Take care Qila. Love you :) "  - Nurin Nadzlah, PASUM -


" Qila.. Hari ni 3 Nov ek. Tetiba kita teringat kat Qila dan orang tu. Qila doakan dia ye. Qila kena doakan. Doa kan senjata. Dia sedang menggarap impian kat sana. Same goes to you. Walau berbeza, tapi insyaAllah natijahnya tetap sama. Nanti jadi doktor sama-sama barulah sweet. Haha. Kita ni jiwang-jiwang pulak. Tapi itulah yang penting doa.. "  - Zaidatul Dalila, Jordan -


" Qila, Allah ada sebut dalam Al-Quran surah at-Taubah ayat 40 maksudnya, jangan bersedih sesungguhnya Allah bersamamu.. Jangan pernah kita rasa keseorangan kerana Allah sentiasa bersama kita tinggal kita sedar atau tak. Kadang Allah timbulkan kesedihan, kegelisahan kerana Dia rindu akan rintihan dan tangisan yang ikhlas hamba-Nya kerana disaat Dia melimpahkan nikmat, sikit sekali kita mensyukurinya. Rebutlah peluang yang Allah bagi ni dengan kembali mendekati-Nya dan mohon agar sentiasa kekal berterusan di jalan-Nya. "   - Atikah, PASUM -


" Aku tahu kau sedih, memang tak salah kau sedih. Orang yg kita sayang kan. Tapi, aku tahu kau boleh! Macam aku cakap tadi.. Bagi masa masing-masing untuk korang dua orang fikir. Both of you need a time. Yang pasal dia marah ke tak tu takyah fikir sangat. Maybe dia pun mesti ada rasa bersalah sikit sebab dia pun nak ada kat sisi family and kawan-kawan dia yang lain jugak, nak berpisah kan.. Ha! Btw, kita ada gambar ngan family dia, orang lain ada?? Takdakan? Haha untunglah kita, maksud aku.. Unntung lah kau :D Hehe suka la tu! Hihi jangan cakap kau takda crying shoulder kitorang kawan-kawan kau ada untuk kau.. Itulah gunanya kawan :D Sweet tak? Hehe jangan sedih-sedih, be strong my dear :D Boleh-boleh insyaAllah kalau ada jodoh korang akan bersama jugak.. Mesti ada hikmah benda-benda yang jadi ni. Allah dah rancang yang terbaik untuk kita so, just follow the flow and never regret apa yg ada sekarang.. Huh apa lagi hmm ha..Cuti dua minggu ni kau tenangkan fikiran kau dulu jangan terlalu fikir sangat pasal dia.. Kau fikir pasal diri kau dulu. Plan apa nak buat untuk future. Ingat kan kau cakap kat aku yang kau nak berdiri sama tinggi ngan dia? Prove it!! Haha ok aku tak tau nak cakap apa dah haha :D Be strong ok :D "   - Nurul Assyifa, Nottingham-


* * * * * * * * * *


Assalamualaikum. Hai guys, Qila's here. 


Sorry for burdening your eyes with my recent entries these few weeks. I've got nowhere to tell Anna's stories thus I spilled it out here. Don't be mad at me! And you shouldn't coz its my blog you're reading here. Tehee =P


Macam yang aku pernah kata, aku tak hebat dalam mengatakan secara lisan untuk setiap apa yang aku fikir. Well, rasanya penulisan memang sesuai dengan diri aku. Sebab kadang-kadang apa yang aku cakap bukan apa yang aku fikirkan. Lagipun surrounding kadang-kadang tak support apa yang aku rasa so daripada aku buang masa bersedih sebab orang judge apa yang aku cakap adalah baiknya jika aku spilled it out semuanya kat sini. Tanah kebebasan aku untuk bersuara. Lol.


Tapi seriously aku tak pernah ada niat nak jaja cerita kehidupan sesiapa. Macam yang aku kata, aku cuma menulis kat sini untuk aku baca balik semua kenangan yang aku ada satu hari nanti. Tak perlulah nak tanya sama ada kisah Anna ni kesah benar ataupun tak. Atau milik siapa kisah itu. Cukuplah sekadar kalau kau nak baca, kau baca. Kalau taknak takpe.


Sebenarnya aku tak pernah expect orang akan baca blog aku sebab yelah, blog pun jarang update. Followers pulak tak ramai mana. Dah tu bila update je menda-menda merepek camni yang aku taip. Manalah nak naik income aku dalam blog ni. Haha. That's why aku agak terkejut bila ramai yang bagi respon dekat entry putus jiwa aku sebelum ni. Tak cukup dengan Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp then mesej pun korang bantai jugak kan? Hahaha. But seriously I wasn't expecting you guys to respons me! I wrote Anna's stories here not to impress others with her cliche love story but to retain all those precious memories that she have. After all, only memories will remains in one's life kan?


So here I wanna thank you guys for giving me honourable feedback of my entry. All those words are precious, yeah seriously. I don't think Anna can make this through without motivation from you guys. She's depressed but that doesn't means that she wasn't strong enough, kan? =P


Anna and I are having our semester break now and I do hope this two weeks are enough for us. Anna wanted to thank all of you for reading her stories, supporting her and calming her everytime she went astray. I'm here to tell you that Anna wouldn't appear in this blog till the right moments came. She needed time on her own. All of these wasn't easy for her. Even only three days passed by, she still can't stand well without thinking of David. She'd spent more than two years trying to escape from these feelings but then, she just can't. Maybe it was destiny for her to know David. She believe in Allah's plan and she knew that's the best for her. For me. And for everyone.


Don't labelled Anna as weak and fragile coz you juz donno her well enough. Even if I knew her, still doesn't enough for me to judge her. We can't judge someone based on their mind or past coz everybody got their own chances to think so. I knew Anna was strong enough to face these. She just needed time on her own. Maybe this two weeks are enough for her, or maybe not. We just donno. All we can do is hope, pray and try our best. So do Anna. She'd done this before. Twice.


For Syifa, Yam, Hanum and Dilla, thank you for always there to support Anna. She thanked you guys so much. For Nurin, you always inspired Anna with your words! And for that, Anna loves you. Wink wink. Hihi. For my dearest Farah at Iskandariah and Zaidatul at Jordan, lots of love and hugs from Anna. Thousand miles away and still, both of you always be with Anna. May Allah met us each other one day. Oh for Ana and Anis Asmira, thank you for commenting on my previous post. If you guys ended up crying, well then guessed you will never imagine how my eyes looked like when I was writing it :')


And for whom at Bangalore now, take a good care of yourself. When everything had settled off, we wait for your news here. Hoping to hear the good things. Forgive Anna for sending you go with inappropriate goodbye. Will always and always wrote about this stories till it met it's ending.


Sayonara daisukina hito, David Amos.


Isa alavidā nahīṁ hai. Jaba taka hama kabhī bhī phira sē milanē. Maiṁ hamēśā tuma mērē jīvana mēṁ yāda hōgā. Aba sē pān̄ca sāla, maiṁ āpa kē li'ē havā'ī aḍḍē para intajāra agara ēka sāla mēṁ bhārata mēṁ hama pūrā nahīṁ.


P/s : Toksah nak Google sangat ayat kat atas ni. Aku pakai taip je kat Google Translate then bila aku copy balik untuk tengok dapat ke tak maksud Englishnya, haram langsung tak keluar. Muahaha. Apa maksudnya? Nanti-nantilah aku cakap.


Nov 4, 2012

Sweetest Goodbye

This had been such a day Anna donno whether wanna took it as a day to remember or a day she wanna forgot totally.


Friend : Tell me one concrete reason why you wouldn't come tomorrow.


Anna : I just don't think I'm gonna make any differences if I go there. I'm just a tiny piece of air in his life.


Friend : Just tell me you're coward.


* * * * * * * * * *


Hanum : You should go there and show your support. Whatever is in your mind, bear that he will always be your friend. That's what a friend should do. Put aside all of your terror. Whether he noticed you or not, at least you've show him your effort.


Anna : I'm no good at farewell.


Hanum : You want that day to be farewell? Even if it is the farewell, you dare to end it up just like that?


Anna : Of course not! I've told you I gonna improve myself. To be as good as him. As success as him. As in the same phase as him. I'll make sure when the day comes, I'll be ready enough to face him. I will never felt myself a piece of nothing if compared to him. I'll keep my words.


Hanum : Then start your journey by sending him go with nice, smooth and happy farewell..



* * * * * * * * * *



Its 4.00 am in the calm, cold and fresh Saturday morning. She woke up and took a leap on her bed. Forcing her own eyes to wide awake and saw Syifa laying next her bed. She took a deep breath and cleared her mind. She got to be ready. This is the day.


She took her towel, wake Syifa up and took her bath. Under the freezing streamed of water, she felt a warmer fluid on her cheeks. Again.



* * * * * * * * * *



Took a walk to Stesen Universiti right at 5.00 am with Syifa. Drowned to memory lane again. She was grateful for having her as companion the moment she needs most. Syifa is her crying shoulder and she always knew how to comfort her. But Syifa is not the only one. There is another crying shoulder she have. And that crying shoulder gonna go far far away from her, couple hours from that moment.


Anna and Syifa took a bus from KL Sentral to KLIA. Its 6.00 am and Anna started to felt an unusual, annoying but somehow strange on her hands. She knew she gotta pushed her inner goddess out of the cage. She had to fight her own terror. No, her biggest terror.


Syifa hold her hands and once again, her words did made Anna calm and peace.


Syifa : Somehow, let time brings us just with the flow. And sometimes, distance will brings us benefit. Just go on with the flow.






* * * * * * * * * *



Anna : Give this to him, please?


Syifa : No I won't. You must give this yourself!


Anna : Please?


Syifa : You didn't utter any words to him, right? Before we go I want you to talk to him. Say good luck or whatever and please, don't show that face to him! Smile a bit! You need to show him how happy you are for him.


Anna : I'll look like a total idiot. And I already looked like one now.


Syifa : Then be the opposite or you'll regret this later.



* * * * * * * * * *


Her feet started to feel weird and awkward. Its just like there is an ice stuck at her limbs, drowning her coldness all over her pulse. She took a glance towards the surrounding. There's a zillion of people but she can't move her eyes when her sight stopped at one figure. Tall, fair and thick hair figure with spectacles and his white stripped shirt with black slack. Yeah she did stopped her eyes everytime she saw that figure. No matter how many people are there, it will always be that figure she will looked at. Since these past two years till now. And she just donno how long it will be.


She saw him with his friends. Greetings each other and laughing like he always did. She looked at him, trying to memorize his curve of smile, his sound of laugh and even his eyes. She wanted to remember everything about that figure before he's gone. She wanted to paste that figure inside her head just in case she went astray. She looked at him again with mixed feelings.


She wondered how future gonna changed him into.


She wondered how future gonna led her heart into.


She wondered about every possibilities for him to love her back when the time comes.


And she knew the last thought of her mind is far away from reality.



* * * * * * * * * *



Anna : Lets come home. The time has come.


Syifa : But you haven't talked to him right? Are you sure you won't regret this later?


Anna : (Heart) I talked everything in my heart. My mouth seemed to betrayed me.


Syifa : I texted him saying we're gonna come home. Oh and there he is!


Anna slowly turned her head into a chocolate store in front of her. Her eyes just can't looked at someone whom is standing beside Syifa. And she heard him.


" I wanna cry but I can't. I don't know why but I just can't "


And she heard Syifa said " Just cry! How hard can it be? " She wanted to look at him who now standing in front of her but she can't. She wanted to smile but she can't. She can't do anything because she knew she'll ended up looked like a total idiot.


If only he knew how hard she was trying for not to cry.



* * * * * * * * * *



A crowd of people in front of the Departure Hall. Families, friends and every single human beings were there for a farewell. Far from that, Anna stood with Syifa.


Anna looked at him for the last time before she walked away. There he is.


Anna smiled for the first time but he didn't noticed that. He was surrounded by his family.


Anna waved at him and she knew he didn't noticed that too. Which was a relief for her.


She grabbed Syifa's hand and walked away without even looked back.


Away from the Departure Hall. Away from the crowd of people. Away from him.


But never away from her love.


She just walked and walked until the moment she saw KLIA from her moving bus. She waved again.


Sayonara daisukina hito, David.


And Anna was glad Syifa didn't noticed she wiped her cheeks.



* * * * * * * * * *









Dear Dilla, I was standing in front of your room and you told me you're at bus station already. Its okay. I just want to be with someone right now. Ok I'm lying. I want to cry right now but nobody is here to listen. I didn't sent him go with smile. I didn't show him how happy I am for him. I didn't speak to him. I did nothing. And now I don't know whether I've done the right thing or not. I'm too tired of this. Everytime I took a step forward to be in the same phase with him, he left me two steps forward. I just don't know why I can't get rid of this feelings after more than two years. It will always be him that I saw wherever I go. Although I know this is one-side-hand love (Did this vocab exist?) It will always be him. Is there any chances for him to remember me? Is there any possibilities he will feel a bit of emptiness without my name in his inbox? Is there any slight differences in his life without me telling him my stories? I know I shouldn't think about this anymore but you knew me right? He came into my life the moment he gave me satay during jamuan raya. Still, he never left from that moment. I hope he didn't hate me for sending him go with my bitter face. I hope things will never change. I hope I will still feel his presence in Malaysia. And in my heart. I'll pray to Allah may this distance will brings us good in the future. Allah knows best. Sorry Dilla, I broke my words. I will never give up till the moment he come back.


Message sending failed.
3 November 2012.


* * * * * * * * * *