Nov 4, 2012

Sweetest Goodbye

This had been such a day Anna donno whether wanna took it as a day to remember or a day she wanna forgot totally.

Friend : Tell me one concrete reason why you wouldn't come tomorrow.

Anna : I just don't think I'm gonna make any differences if I go there. I'm just a tiny piece of air in his life.

Friend : Just tell me you're coward.

* * * * * * * * * *

Hanum : You should go there and show your support. Whatever is in your mind, bear that he will always be your friend. That's what a friend should do. Put aside all of your terror. Whether he noticed you or not, at least you've show him your effort.

Anna : I'm no good at farewell.

Hanum : You want that day to be farewell? Even if it is the farewell, you dare to end it up just like that?

Anna : Of course not! I've told you I gonna improve myself. To be as good as him. As success as him. As in the same phase as him. I'll make sure when the day comes, I'll be ready enough to face him. I will never felt myself a piece of nothing if compared to him. I'll keep my words.

Hanum : Then start your journey by sending him go with nice, smooth and happy farewell..

* * * * * * * * * *

Its 4.00 am in the calm, cold and fresh Saturday morning. She woke up and took a leap on her bed. Forcing her own eyes to wide awake and saw Syifa laying next her bed. She took a deep breath and cleared her mind. She got to be ready. This is the day.

She took her towel, wake Syifa up and took her bath. Under the freezing streamed of water, she felt a warmer fluid on her cheeks. Again.

* * * * * * * * * *

Took a walk to Stesen Universiti right at 5.00 am with Syifa. Drowned to memory lane again. She was grateful for having her as companion the moment she needs most. Syifa is her crying shoulder and she always knew how to comfort her. But Syifa is not the only one. There is another crying shoulder she have. And that crying shoulder gonna go far far away from her, couple hours from that moment.

Anna and Syifa took a bus from KL Sentral to KLIA. Its 6.00 am and Anna started to felt an unusual, annoying but somehow strange on her hands. She knew she gotta pushed her inner goddess out of the cage. She had to fight her own terror. No, her biggest terror.

Syifa hold her hands and once again, her words did made Anna calm and peace.

Syifa : Somehow, let time brings us just with the flow. And sometimes, distance will brings us benefit. Just go on with the flow.

* * * * * * * * * *

Anna : Give this to him, please?

Syifa : No I won't. You must give this yourself!

Anna : Please?

Syifa : You didn't utter any words to him, right? Before we go I want you to talk to him. Say good luck or whatever and please, don't show that face to him! Smile a bit! You need to show him how happy you are for him.

Anna : I'll look like a total idiot. And I already looked like one now.

Syifa : Then be the opposite or you'll regret this later.

* * * * * * * * * *

Her feet started to feel weird and awkward. Its just like there is an ice stuck at her limbs, drowning her coldness all over her pulse. She took a glance towards the surrounding. There's a zillion of people but she can't move her eyes when her sight stopped at one figure. Tall, fair and thick hair figure with spectacles and his white stripped shirt with black slack. Yeah she did stopped her eyes everytime she saw that figure. No matter how many people are there, it will always be that figure she will looked at. Since these past two years till now. And she just donno how long it will be.

She saw him with his friends. Greetings each other and laughing like he always did. She looked at him, trying to memorize his curve of smile, his sound of laugh and even his eyes. She wanted to remember everything about that figure before he's gone. She wanted to paste that figure inside her head just in case she went astray. She looked at him again with mixed feelings.

She wondered how future gonna changed him into.

She wondered how future gonna led her heart into.

She wondered about every possibilities for him to love her back when the time comes.

And she knew the last thought of her mind is far away from reality.

* * * * * * * * * *

Anna : Lets come home. The time has come.

Syifa : But you haven't talked to him right? Are you sure you won't regret this later?

Anna : (Heart) I talked everything in my heart. My mouth seemed to betrayed me.

Syifa : I texted him saying we're gonna come home. Oh and there he is!

Anna slowly turned her head into a chocolate store in front of her. Her eyes just can't looked at someone whom is standing beside Syifa. And she heard him.

" I wanna cry but I can't. I don't know why but I just can't "

And she heard Syifa said " Just cry! How hard can it be? " She wanted to look at him who now standing in front of her but she can't. She wanted to smile but she can't. She can't do anything because she knew she'll ended up looked like a total idiot.

If only he knew how hard she was trying for not to cry.

* * * * * * * * * *

A crowd of people in front of the Departure Hall. Families, friends and every single human beings were there for a farewell. Far from that, Anna stood with Syifa.

Anna looked at him for the last time before she walked away. There he is.

Anna smiled for the first time but he didn't noticed that. He was surrounded by his family.

Anna waved at him and she knew he didn't noticed that too. Which was a relief for her.

She grabbed Syifa's hand and walked away without even looked back.

Away from the Departure Hall. Away from the crowd of people. Away from him.

But never away from her love.

She just walked and walked until the moment she saw KLIA from her moving bus. She waved again.

Sayonara daisukina hito, David.

And Anna was glad Syifa didn't noticed she wiped her cheeks.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Dilla, I was standing in front of your room and you told me you're at bus station already. Its okay. I just want to be with someone right now. Ok I'm lying. I want to cry right now but nobody is here to listen. I didn't sent him go with smile. I didn't show him how happy I am for him. I didn't speak to him. I did nothing. And now I don't know whether I've done the right thing or not. I'm too tired of this. Everytime I took a step forward to be in the same phase with him, he left me two steps forward. I just don't know why I can't get rid of this feelings after more than two years. It will always be him that I saw wherever I go. Although I know this is one-side-hand love (Did this vocab exist?) It will always be him. Is there any chances for him to remember me? Is there any possibilities he will feel a bit of emptiness without my name in his inbox? Is there any slight differences in his life without me telling him my stories? I know I shouldn't think about this anymore but you knew me right? He came into my life the moment he gave me satay during jamuan raya. Still, he never left from that moment. I hope he didn't hate me for sending him go with my bitter face. I hope things will never change. I hope I will still feel his presence in Malaysia. And in my heart. I'll pray to Allah may this distance will brings us good in the future. Allah knows best. Sorry Dilla, I broke my words. I will never give up till the moment he come back.

Message sending failed.
3 November 2012.

* * * * * * * * * *


siti suhana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anis asmira said...

qila sedihnya aku baca apayg ko tulis ni.. aku dah nangis plak... insyaAllah.. ada penyelesaiannya...

umi aisha karim said...

qila,sabar ok. aku taktau nak bg nasihat apa .. tapi harap kau byk brsabar,. dan aku doakan it will be a very happy ending story,insyaAllah :)