Jul 2, 2014

First of July (Dark)

Assalamualaikum. Anna is here.


She received a news that left her unspoken. She received a news she never thought of receiving it this soon. She doesn't know what else to say or to do. She was devastated.


She remembered how does it feels to be left broken hearted five years ago. 


She was fifteen. And she swore to herself, she will never allows herself to feel that much of pain anymore. 


She was fifteen. Traumatized.
Yet on first of July 2014, five years later she felt the same way as she used to feel back then.


Some people just doesn't know how to say "No." when they meant it.
And some people prefers to be in silence, without knowing the other heart was broken waiting for an answer and explanation.


She was staring at a bottle of perfume. Vanilla perfume. She took a sip of the scent and remember how someone used to smile so bright when she told it was her favourite scent of all.


Perfume. The Fruitcake Special. Anna. David.
Everything swirled and twisting inside her head.


Everything just make sense.
Everything falls into one place.


She's Anna. Longing for David who never noticed her presence all these while in fornt of him. She's Anna, from The Fruitcake Special. She used to wear a magical perfume, in hope that David will finally see her.


She's Anna. A character from a short story she loved so much during her English classes. She's Anna. Yes she is.


Yes she still.


That night, she falls asleep with thousands of dark sonata melody, playing inside her head. No matter how hard she tries not to, tears still streaming down her cheeks. Sobbing. Questioning.


That morning, she looked straight in front of the lecture slide, yet she was no longer there at the class. She thinks of cats. She thinks of Maya Karin and Preity Zinta. She thinks of how bad a rotten cheese could smell. She thinks of anything she feels to. Because the moment she stopped thinking, she will dream. And in a dream, there is hope.


And when there is hope, there will be tears.


She sleeps a lot.
She just wanted to be left alone, in her own imaginary world.


When she encountered Allah's love words in the Holy Quran, she was stabbed with pain and delusion. Allah understand. Despite everything and everyone who turned against her, Allah understand.


She asked Allah to heal her broken heart.
Because she couldn't bear any tears anymore.


She's Anna, and she will always be.
Its just that, she didn't know whether David is still there in her story or not.


It hurts. It really hurts.
When the person you always look for, never find you in his path.


Dear David, its me Anna. I'm talking to you. Will you still hear me? Will you still answer me? Because its dark here. And its getting darker.

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