Jul 4, 2014

Fly To India

Assalamualaikum.


When I was at my Intercultural Communication (ICC) class, I received a whatsapp from Nisha. And I was quite stoned after reading that message.


" Assalamualaikum. For all students who are interested in joining the UniKL RCMP - VMU programme, kindly submit your name to Shahir. And in sha Allah, our batch will fly to India soon. "


Our batch will fly to India soon.


Our batch will fly to India soon.


Our batch will fly to India soon.


India.


Recently there are some sort of problems arising here, with regards to our collaboration programme with Vinayaka Mission University. And there are some rumors about the cancellation of the programme and we need to complete our MBBS years at Malaysia.


As for me? I was devastated, knowing I could never leave Malaysia and experience new vision of world's horizon.


Maybe if I read that message two weeks ago, I will feel infinite. Happiness overload. Excited. Trembling with joy.


Two weeks ago, I'll be the happiest human being ever lived (exaggerated)


And just now, I don't know how to react with such news.
Its too sudden. Way too sudden.


The moment I've lost my hope in wanting for something to be happening, Allah answered my prayers. Allah gives.


I remember what Kak Yasmin (my usrah sister) used to say ;


" Allah akan memberi di saat kita sudah tidak berharap akan sesuatu perkara itu terjadi. "


I was happy. I was thankful.
But at the same time, a pinch of sadness hits me.


I asked to pursue my study to India because of one reason.
And now the person I used (and still) look for is now no longer talking to me.


I don't know what's happening between us.
But its sad, when somehow the distance between you and the person you always look for is now widening. Lengthening. Growing.


:(


But for the sake of my responsibilities and my promises that I've made, I closed my eyes and look forward for a brighter days.


To study out of Malaysia is my dream.
And I will never kill a dream just because of a one side love story.


Hidup mesti terus.
Sebab di pengakhiran usia pun, hanya tinggal diri ini yang akan menjawab segalanya di hadapan Yang Maha Kuasa.


Amanah mesti dilaksana.
Janji mesti dikota.


Aku perlu mula berfikir untuk merancang kehidupan yang lebih terarah.


Tipu, kalau aku cakap hati sudah tidak sakit.
Tipu juga kalau aku cakap aku mampu terima kenyataan perasaan yang tak berbalas.


Aku masih belum boleh terima.
Aku masih meletak harapan yang melangit tinggi.


Aku masih berharap, satu hari nanti, mungkin beberapa waktu yang akan datang, aku akan bersua semula dengan dia dan segalanya akan bermula sekali lagi.


Ketika aku sudah tidak lagi berasa rendah diri dengan perbezaan yang ada.
Ketika aku sudah tidak lagi terperangkap dalam masa silam yang masih berbisa.


Ketika dia sudah bersedia.
Dan sudah terbuka pintu hati untuk menerima aku yang serba aku.


Mungkin ketika itu, segalanya akan lebih jelas dan terang berbanding sekarang.


Semoga Tuhan mendengar.
Semoga Tuhan mempermudahkan jalan aku untuk capai cita sebagai seorang doktor yang lain daripada biasa.


Seorang doktor yang penuh rasa empati.
Sebab diri sudah hadam dengan banyak resmi dunia yang tiada belas kasihan sifatnya.

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