Jul 3, 2014

Mimpi Sebagai Satu Eskapisme


I have this quite bad habit of sleeping the moment I came back from class. I just can't help it. These few days I managed to get some sleep for about two to three hours only. But since this is a month of ibadah festival, somehow I got the strength to stay awake and perform my duties as a student and a slave.

Tapi itulah, selepas pulang dari kelas mesti kena tidur sekejap walaupun setengah jam..

Today's class ended at 5. 
I went to bazaar ramadan with Miera and went back home with few (ehem) plastic bags filled with foods. And as I completed all my self management, I went straight to bed for a nap.

And somehow I have this weird yet vivid dream.

I dream of mama, ayah, makmok and abah wak (my foster parents) came here to my house at Ipoh. They came here and hugged me, tightly.

The moment they went back home, I felt a terrible pain of loneliness and sadness. As if I was stabbed with deepest knife and the slight beautiful feeling of happiness was taken away from me.

I wake up with a knocking sound at my door, and Jannah told me its Maghrib already. But I stay still, immobile. Not moving my body from bed.

I am sad. I want to be in that dream for as long as I could be.

So I shut the door and locked myself in my room. I have no desire to eat at all. And I continued my sleep.

Few minutes later I'm awake with the sound of my housemates at the kitchen. I grabbed my phone and texted my mum.

" Tadi Ila mimpi mama, ayah, makmok dgn abah wak datang Ipoh jumpa Ila. "

" Mungkin itu tandanya kalau kakak sedang susah hati, kakak ingat semua orang yang pernah jaga kakak. Kami semua sayangkan kakak dan tak mahu kakak bersedih. "

I was stunned. As if my mom knows everything that I have been through these past few days.

" Dah beberapa hari mama rasa kakak tengah bersedih. Tak pernah mama rasa kakak sesedih ini. Bersabarlah kak. Apa-apa pun, cukuplah menyiksa diri sendiri. Ingat Allah. "

Again, I was completely stunned. Speechless.

Seorang ibu sentiasa tahu kalau anaknya sedang bersedih. 
Seorang ibu sentiasa cuba untuk jadi segala penawar yang anaknya perlukan di saat tiada siapa peduli.

Seorang ibu selalu ada.

Aku pandang kalendar dan menghitung hari ke 11 Julai.
Aku sudah terlalu rindu dan sedih.

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