Jul 7, 2014

Semoga Berjaya Esok, Yang Jauh

Assalamualaikum. Anna is here.


An interface of a grown up girl whom life is kinda messed up and everything turned out to be wrong.


Its 7th of July and this morning, somebody is going to have his examination before going back to Malaysia on 13th of July.


She remember every details.


She was mad, very mad.
Yet she still cares.


Wherever you are, good luck.
Good luck in everything you did.


Because there will always be one person who will fight for you. Will be here for you whenever you decided you wanted to be accepted by someone.


Someone who always look for your figure and name since the past four years.


She really needs to stop from letting her interface expressing her words.
So yeah. Anna is away for a while and here is Aqila.


My name is Aqila.
And I kinda hate everything right now.


I hate the fact I'm still here, at 12.08 am in my pyjamas and typing in my blog about my scattered pieces of mind.


I hate the fact I'm wishing somebody a good luck wish when he himself will never knows about it. Because I was mad at him and he was mad at me and we're mad at each other.


I always look at him since we're in high school and he never look at me since we're in high school and we're not looking at each other since high school.


I like him and he didn't like me and we didn't like each other.


If you're wondering how can a crush lasts for several years, you can always look at me. This is a type of person that is keras kepala enough to stick for one person after four years putting a hope and finally when she knew she was syok sendiri, she didn't pulled herself off.


Ada beza antara setia dan bodoh.


Bertahun-tahun aku pegang prinsip yang sama.
Selagi tak usaha sampai ke penghabisan, jangan berhenti. Jangan putus asa.


Orang kata kalau nakkan sesuatu, berusaha sampai dapat.
Sebab tanpa usaha, tak payah berangan jauh-jauh.


Aku, dah berusaha bertahun-tahun.
Orang cakap aku terkejar-kejar. Pipi tak mancung hidung tersorong-sorong.


Orang kata kalau suka, tunjukkan.


Dan disebabkan aku tak gemar bagitau depan-depan, aku tunjukkan melalui tulisan aku. Melalui setiap surat yang aku selitkan dalam hadiah hari lahir setiap tahun. Melalui perbualan berkaitan India yang aku bualkan kadang kala. Melalui puisi yang aku karang. Melalui random article dalam email yang aku hantar. Melalui lukisan-lukisan aku. Melalui kesanggupan aku turun ke India walaupun berjumpa tak sampai beberapa jam.


Melalui Anna.


Tebal muka tak usah cakap.
Aku bukanlah tak reti malu sampai buat semua benda tanpa berfikir.


Sebab bagi aku, tanpa usaha semuanya akan jadi sia-sia.
Cuma sekadar kata-kata.


Aku serius.
Dan disebabkan aku serius lah, aku pejamkan mata walaupun kadang rasa sedih itu dah tak tertahan.


Aku pun, manusia juga.
Aku ada hati dan perasaan.


Aku pun, tahu juga rasa malu dan kecewa.
Bila diri tak pernah ternampakkan oleh mata yang paling ingin aku lihat menoleh ke arah aku.


Aku pun, mahu juga disayangi sebegitu rupa.
Mahu juga merasa ada yang menunggu aku setiap kali aku kemana-mana.


Mahu juga menjadi salah satu puisi yang dikarang.
Mahu juga menjadi salah satu sebab seseorang itu berusaha.


Mahu juga menjadi seseorang yang didoakan.


Tapi itulah.
Aku dah berusaha. Dan perkara yang paling aku nak itulah yang aku tak pernah dapat.

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