" Aku tidaklah buta untuk melihat itu. "
" You once said that you're not good in words instead of writings, and guess what, I'm worst in both part. "
" Aku tak letakkan dalam hati lagi pasal itu, banyak lagi benda lain yang aku nak capai dan lalui. "
" p/s : There are still bunch of people with a good heart. Believe me, I have seen them and I'll try to become one. "
- David Amos, 7.12 pm 11th July 2014 -
* * * * * * * * * *
Those are parts of a long message I received late in the evening.
Thank you, for replying me although its several days late.
Thank you, for every words written.
I really found the beauty that lies within this pain.
It brought me smiling, in an ache that a heart will always mend.
I couldn't figured out how and why.
But somehow, somewhere in the depth of a hole in this heart, your words gave me hope.
Not a kind of hope that I always put on every time I think about you.
Not a kind of hope that you've left me when you first land your feet at India.
This is a kind of hope that is promising.
A kind of hope that meant to be for tomorrow and the future.
A kind of hope that gave me reassurance, and inspiration.
To slowly let go.
And give the time, some time.
By means of letting go, I'm not giving up on us. I will never be.
I'm just giving us some space. And faith.
Who knows what is waiting for us in the future?
Who knows what will happen next?
Who knows in which way both of us will grow up and becoming a person we inspired to be?
Who knows the continuation of our story?
Nobody knows. Well, for humans.
By means of letting go, I will put my faith solely to Allah.
Just like you have said, there's so much to experience. There's so much to dream and to achieve. There's so much in this world that we need to see, to feel, to embrace. We didn't have to rush upon ourselves. We didn't have to force ourselves with the things we haven't prepared for.
By means of letting go, I believe in faith and time.
If it was meant to be, it will be. If it wasn't, I pray Allah so that my heart will still be filled with hopes, loves, dreams and endless trusts. Time will heal everything. Time will give us some space to grow up and fulfill our life goals.
When the right time comes, I believe Allah will arrange a random place with a random scene and a random acquaintance ; that we will meet with each other and having our first new conversation together.
When both of us are ready to move on with the next stage of our story.
By that time, both of us could introduce ourselves with smiles and perhaps, I could sense my first heartbeat. Just like I used to feel four years ago when I first saw you in the class.
And if the right time comes with both of us already having a person we both loved, I hope we could cherish all the time we've been friends and embrace the happiness that lies within our dead story, even if we're not meant to be together. Even when both of us ended up with someone else.
Until that time comes, may Allah bless your journey.
May Allah grants you with endless efforts to achieve what you wanna be.
May Allah leads you to the right path, and gives reminder to you every time you slip out of way.
May Allah heal all of your sadness.
May Allah covers your dignity and sins.
May Allah puts you in a test you can always win through.
I believe in you. I will forever have my faith in you, that you could be anything you ever wanted to.
I will stand behind you, even from afar. I will always supporting you in any ways I ever could.
You used to be one of my inspiration.
And guess what, you will always be.
Go anywhere you like. Go as far as you can. Find yourself. Build yourself.
And I will be here, doing the same thing as you.
Healing my heart. Reconnecting my faith. Chasing my highest dreams.
We'll go for our own ways from now.
So basically this is me, saying goodbye to my feelings for you.
My four years crush.
My one-sided love story.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, yet I'm smiling.
Because right now, though I'm sad, but I'm happy to do so.
Within the pain of choosing this decision, somehow I feel relieved.
I knew, this is the right thing to do.
I have this confidence that this is what Allah wanted us to be. This is Allah's way to show His love for us. This is how Allah teach us to be a better person from who we used to be. This is a test, a chance, an opportunity for both of us to reclaim our faith towards Him.
I send my whole love for you to Allah.
As He will always keep it enclosed, safe from anything belongs to this world.
I thanked Allah for finding you.
And I thanked Allah for giving me the strength to put all my faith in Him regarding this decision.
Until next time, you'll be remembered.
As I am letting you go, with both tears and smile on my face.
This is the pause of The Fruitcake Special story.
Aqila Syahiena and Anna
4.39 a.m, 12th July 2014 (14 Ramadan 1435)