I came again to a phase where I felt inadequate with myself. And the way I see it, I’m still having a hard time convincing myself this could all be temporary.
Lemme ask you a question.
Have you ever feel like you're trying so hard to be good to yourself as well as towards others but you just don't have enough energy and motivations to do so?
I love kindness. I always believe kindness is the one thing we could all rely in this world to save the humanity. To create a better us, a better world. The last piece of what makes us human.
But I often struggling with this inner demon of mine. Its so noisy here inside me and sometimes I lose myself.
Like a snowball effects.
Little things that destroyed me in a massive hurricane.
I couldn't blame people for being so negative or pessimist and often view kindness as weakness, but I really shouldn't let it suck my inner piece and energy. But here's the thing - I let it.
I let people took the worst out of me.
I let people treat me so bad I often confused my value, and my worth.
Sometimes I do wonder, what goes wrong in my life that I often put people ahead of me? Its understandable if I put the important ones, for example my family, and those whom I love and loved me. But with those who treated me like a piece of shit and still I put them on top of me - I don't know whether its still kindness or just a plain stupidity of mine.