Nov 20, 2016

Psychiatry and Red Velvet Cheesecake

Been studying like crazy for my Psychiatry End of Posting. Literally setiap hari stress bila teringat banyak tak baca lagi dan banyak LAGI yang dah baca tapi lupa.

I have a thing in Psychiatry but its hard to concentrate solely on interest when you've been pushed with thoughts like "I have to score my first Year Four exam!" and "I'm not a weak ass b* that abandoned my study for stupid little things!" and whenever I saw my friends having a question-answer session with me in the middle of the group feeling stupid and oh God why I didn't know this and that, it really really stressed me out!

I know it wasn't good since intelligence and knowledge shouldn't be measured by what grade you obtained on your exam, but I just couldn't help it. Expectations, self-achieve pleasures and so on. Being a fourth year medical student with inadequate knowledge and fear of not competent enough after graduation is suck. The struggle is real!

Promised myself that I'm gonna sort out my priorities and soul-searching once the exam's finished. Pinky swear.

As for now, I just wanted to do my best and nailed it!!

It was one fine Sunday when I was studying at my floor with books spreading all over me.

Kelaparan, I grabbed my phone and ordered a slice of chocolate cake from Fresh Menu (since I need enough glucose to make me awake and energetic but not too heavy, or else I'll definitely fall asleep). 30 minutes later the delivery guy came and I ate my cake happily.

I continued my reading when there's a ring on my house door, saying a delivery from Fresh Menu is here. I got confused a lil bit because I already got my delivery just now, so I thought its just an error from the system and told the delivery guy I didn't ordered it twice.

I went back inside my room and chilling for a minute or two when I got a video call from (insert sweet name here).

"Dapat tak?"

Oh noooooooooooo turned out the second delivery was from him! He didn't know I already ordered Fresh Menu and I didn't know he's going to surprise me for it too! Patutnya aku terima je delivery tadi tanpa banyak soal hmfshklaksgdtkmmphs.

Maka haruslah seorang Aqila meroyan kerana jarang sekali surprise begini akan diterima ya.

I quickly menggelabah and he laughed, saying its okay. He called the delivery centre and here I am, eating my favorite red velvet cheesecake in a jar with big smile on my face :))))))

Terima kasih. Benda kecil tapi bahagia rasa.

* * * * * * * * * *

Sesuka hati conteng buku orang eh.

Nov 17, 2016

To-Do List

18 Things To Start Doing Now

1. Be friends with different types of people. Don’t insulate your worldview by only socializing with those who are fundamentally the same as you.

2. Read. Do you know how few people are reading anything other than a few lines of an article here and there? Few. Do you know why it matters? Because a book you read in a few days this week can change the way you think about something for decades to come.

3. Question yourself, and honor your doubt. People who aren’t secure enough to do this stagnate.

4. Be willing to live the way other people won’t, so you can live the way other people can’t.

5. Learn how to cook things you enjoy more than you enjoy ordering out.

6. Learn how to budget your money in a way that makes you feel responsible and liberated, not restricted.

7. Put away a bit of money each month, however much you can afford (and don’t worry if there are setbacks along the way). Compounded interest is no joke.

8. Take on a side gig exclusively for the sake of that savings account. It will be exhausting for a while, but you’ll come out with new skills and the peace of mind that comes from having a fiscal cushion.

9. Get addicted to healthy pain. The kind that comes from clocking in hours of practice or maneuvering through the discomfort of training your mind to focus on one task until it’s complete. The more you channel your pain into something productive, the less you’ll be tempted to ruminate.

10. Get comfortable admitting when you’re wrong. There is no failure in making mistakes. There is failure in making mistakes and having too much pride to fix them.

11. Clean out your space, then work on adopting an attitude of “enough.” Do you really want to spend the next 10 years accumulating things? No, you don’t. Imagine what else all of that money and time and worry could have gone toward.

12. Only put things on your credit card that you will be able to remember in 3 months from now. If you look at how much is due and can’t remember what you spent it on, it was nothing worthwhile.

13. Do your soul-searching. Make lists of what you like and what you dislike; what you value and what you don’t; what you’re skilled at and what you’re not. Start cohering an idea of who you fundamentally are, but allow yourself to be open to that idea changing over time.

14. Reflect on your life, and ask yourself what your single most compelling motive is. Construct your narrative about it carefully – the way you justify your past actions will become your philosophy for future ones.

15. If you commit to nothing else, commit to a daily routine that consists of actions that, over time, will lead you to where you want to be.

16. Do things intentionally. Date intentionally. Work intentionally. Don’t let your life be a series of mindless, random actions that just seemed nice at the time, but are ultimately meaningless.

17. Take yourself as seriously as you want the world to. Behave accordingly.

18. Scrap it all and start over as many times as you need to. There’s no shame in not getting it right, there is, however, a lot of self-loathing that comes from knowing better, but not having the courage to do better.

Nov 8, 2016

Selalu Dan Sentiasa

Aku akan selalu ada.
Sentiasa, semampu nafasku.

Biarpun kehidupan memisahkan kita.
Biarpun aku beribu batu jauhnya dengan segala kenangan itu.

Segala-gala yang lalu, yang engkau dan aku sama-sama pegang bersama hingga ke saat ini kita kekal bernafas dibawah bumbung langit yang satu.

Aku akan selalu ada.
Selagi mana hayat yang dipinjamkan ini masih bersisa.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Untuk mereka yang aku sayangi kerana Dia.

Maaf dari aku kerana tidak begitu bersungguh menghubungi engkau selalu. Maaf kerana aku terhanyut dalam dunia sendiri dan menganggap engkau sentiasa baik-baik. Aku akui aku tidak begitu rajin bertanyakan khabar. Walau rindu, walau kerap mengingati, jarang sekali aku menghubungi.

Hingga akhirnya kehidupan memisahkan kita dan engkau menjadi 'kawan baik zaman sekolah' yang bakal aku ceritakan kepada mereka yang lain.

Maafkan aku.

Beberapa tahun yang lalu sewaktu hari terakhir aku meninggalkan STAR, MRSM Pasir Salak, UM dan seterusnya RCMP, berjela-jela aku menulis tentang setiap satu yang aku sayangi pada diri engkau, agar tidak aku lupakan. Hingga ke hari ini pun, bilamana aku mengimbau kembali tulisan-tulisan aku, senyuman itu tetap ada. Ingatan itu masih bersisa.

Jarang sekali aku membenci. Jarang juga aku memutuskan tali persahabatan walau sakit mana hati ini menangisi. Aku sentiasa menyayangi.

Mungkin bulatan sosial aku tidak besar, tetapi aku pegang setiap satunya rapat dalam hati.
Andai aku memutuskan untuk menyayangi, engkau akan sentiasa aku simpan kemas disetiap hari.

Ketahuilah tidak pernah menjadi niat aku untuk menyepi atau menjauhi. Walau jarang berhubung, walau jarang bersua, aku sentiasa menganggap engkau sebagai matahari.

Yang suatu masa pernah menyinari.
Dan sentiasa menerangi.

Tulisan ini untuk engkau.
Siapa-siapa saja yang aku beri untuk dibaca hari ini.

Tulisan ini untuk semua yang menjadi kawan juga teman.
Sebagai tanda secebis dua ingatan.

Tulisan ini untuk segala-gala yang mungkin aku terlepas.
Kenangan, dan masa hadapan.

Aku mungkin tidak selalu dihadapan mata dan alam maya.
Tetapi aku kan selalu ada.

Untuk engkau, dan untuk kita.