Have you ever thought of being someone else besides you?
Well if you asked me few years back, I would've said no.
But right now, even I can't understand myself.
You see, not that I haven't tried to change the way I saw the world. The way I perceived things. The way I felt something. The way I stand on my principles.
Its amazing to be on your own self, honestly.
But being me, sometimes its tiring.
I happened to have borderline personality trait.
Few months back, I didn't know the truth about me until I've learnt about personality disorder. There are 3 clusters of personality disorder :
Personality disorder is a condition when one experiencing distorted thinking patterns, problematic emotional responses, having over or under regulated impulse control and facing interpersonal difficulties.
In Cluster A personality, they're considered as odd and eccentric.
In Cluster B personality, they're considered as dramatic and emotional.
In Cluster C personality, they're considered as anxious and fearful.
Each and every one of us would've had one or even more personality types described above. Now the question is - What is normalcy?
From what Dr. Vinod taught me, there's no such thing as normal type of personality. We all have some here and there mixing up together. It is called TRAIT, and those mixtures are what makes us who we are.
The problem arises when some of these traits predominate the rest. It is called DISORDER. A paranoid personality trait would've been considered a paranoid personality disorder when it caused problem, creating harm and disturbance towards self and as well as others.
I did a lot of reading afterwards.
Because I knew what's been bothering me right when I grabbed a sense of understanding in all these.
I email-ed Dr. Vinod, telling him few things that I found cloudy within myself.
And thats when he told me I may have borderline personality trait, which in my case, predominating most of my entire aspect of perceiving the world.
I'm not in a stable state, therefore I'll probably continue this post in the next few days.
I'm not afraid of what I wrote here in this blog because this is all I have left. The only platform where I could be me. Where I could be honest and just... Be me.