Mar 11, 2017

Hijab Doa


Semalam aku terbaca satu post di Facebook tentang bagaimana doa orang yang teraniaya, dianiaya dan tidak bersalah itu tiada hijab disisi Tuhan.


Ada masa on the spot Tuhan bayar cash.
Ada masa diberi nikmat sepuas hati hinggalah tiba-tiba ditarik serta merta tanpa belas.


Dari sudut pandangan aku, sebab itu dari dulu aku selalu pegang. Jangan menilai atau menjatuhkan hukum penilaian kepada seseorang jika kau tidak faham apa yang dilaluinya, selagi engkau tidak berada di tapak kasut yang sama dengannya.


Untuk bercakap memang mudah.
Tapi kita selalu lupa, hakikat satu-satunya yang lebih tajam daripada pedang itu ialah lidah manusia.


Dimata engkau mungkin tampak mudah, tampak remeh.
Tapi hanya yang menanggung di bahu hadam memahami bagaimana rasanya.


Hanya kerana engkau diberi sedikit kelebihan oleh Tuhan untuk tidak diuji pada titik kelemahan tersebut, tidak bermakna engkau bebas mencanang sana sini -


Betapa lemah, lembik, bodoh, naif dan malang seseorang.


Jika sahaja engkau sedar kehidupan ini tidak tetap, tidak statik. Sifatnya berubah-ubah. Ada roda untuk kau berada diatas dan sekelip mata menghumban engkau kebawah.


Jangan kerana kata-kata yang keluar daripada mulut atau tindakan engkau menyakiti hati seseorang hingga dia merasa dianiaya, merasa ditindas dan dipijak menyebabkan apa saja doa yang disebut oleh dia memanah tepat terus tembus kepada engkau. Jangan sekali-kali.


Kalau tak mahu memudahkan, jangan pula menyusahkan.
Mudah saja sifirnya.

Mar 10, 2017

Instead Of People, Tell God




I realized that people have a way of bringing you down even when they’re trying to lift you up. I realized that when you talk to people about what’s bothering you, they don’t try to understand where you’re coming from, they just want to hear their voice. I realized that people don’t always know how to comfort you when you’re crying or when you’re hurting because they simply don’t know the depth of your pain or what’s happening inside you.


But God knows, God understands the words you can’t speak, the feelings that are killing you and the extent of your pain. God knows what you’re hiding and why you’re suffering. God knows what you don’t yet know.


I realized that people will try to tell you how you should feel. They’ll say you’re too emotional or it’s our fault for expecting too much or find a way to blame you for putting yourself through this pain because if you were smarter, if you were wiser, if you were stronger, you wouldn’t have done this, you wouldn’t have put yourself in this situation.


But God doesn’t judge. God listens. God understands. God doesn’t point fingers. God knows what’s in your heart.


I realized that people will say things that don’t make you feel better, like ‘it will happen when you least expect it to,’ or ‘everything happens for a reason,’ or ‘you never know what the future holds.’ But they don’t hold you when you’re crying, they don’t check on you when you go home, they don’t call you to make sure you’re okay and they don’t care past a certain point, past a certain phase, past a certain moment.


But God stays with you when everyone leaves. God is not temporary. God will not say things He doesn’t mean. God gives you time and space to heal before He blesses you. God takes away some things because He’s planning on giving you something more.


I realized that when you talk to people about your problems, they make you feel worse. They make you feel misunderstood, they make you feel like you’re not allowed to be who you are or give in to your emotions. I realized that people only like you when you’re happy and light not when you’re sad and heavy. I realized that people only want you when you’re fun and loud not when you’re down and quiet and I realized that people will only be there for you for a little while before they move on and get sucked back into their own lives.


But God likes you in every state. God loves you anyway. Whether you’re happy or sad, whether you’re heavy or light, whether you’re angry or calm and whether you’re strong or weak. God doesn’t discriminate.


He doesn’t like one version of you more than the other. God accepts you. God keeps bringing you closer to Him because He wants you to learn that no matter how much people love you, you can’t depend on them to heal you and you can’t depend on them to fix you.


Because God is the only healer, He’s the only fixer and maybe all our problems are just different lessons to bring us to this awareness and bring us to this conclusion:


God is the only problem solver. God is the solution. 

Mar 9, 2017

Daddy's Poem


Few months back I strolled around Indira Gandhi Musical Fountain Memorial Park. Its about 20 minutes journey from my apartment at Gokula.


When I walked by a section of the park dedicated as a memoir for all Indian soldiers who fought for their life during World War 2, I came across a poem carved at a huge stone. And up till now, I can still feel the bitterness emotions when I read those lines.


Its a mixture of both sadness, and somehow proud in such beautiful poem.


--


Her hair was up in a ponytail, favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and couldn't wait to go.


There were daddies along the back wall for all to meet, at the hall.
One by one the teacher called the students from the class.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them searching, for the man who wasn't there.


From someone near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."
With hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak,


"My daddy couldn't be here, as he lives so far away.
I know he wishes he could be, on this such a special day."


"He loved to tell me stories, taught me ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me fly the kite.
Though you cannot see him, I am not alone.
Cause my daddy's always with me, even when we are so far apart."


With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.
With mother, somewhere in the crowd, standing, in tears.


When she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, a message so clear and loud,
"I love my Daddy so much, he's 'My Shining Star'.
And if he could he'd be here, but Heaven is just too far."


"You see, He was an Indian soldier, died just past year.
An enemy sniper got him in chest while advancing without fear.
When he died telling all Indians, never, ever to fear."


"Sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he's never away."
Then she closed her eyes, and saw him there, that day.


The her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
Room full of daddies and children, starting to close their eyes.
Perhaps for a mere second, they saw him too, at her side.


"I know you are with me Daddy."
To the silence she called out.


And what happened next, made believers of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain, for each had their eyes closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was his shining medal of gold.


And a child was blessed.
If only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.
Given the gift of believing, that Heaven is never too far.


There are many children in same boat as this little girl.
Thanks to our brave soldiers, and their lonely families.
Ultimate sacrifice they make to keep our country free.
A thought to be remembered by those who now lives.


"For your tomorrow, they gave their today."

Mar 8, 2017

Pecah Kaca Pecah Gelas


I'm not a grumpy person by nature.


Dan walaupun berulang-kali aku terpaksa hadapi the same shit from the same person, I usually tolerate with em. Bagi aku, kalau nak ikutkan sakit hati yang membara ni, lambat laun aku akan turut serta berjangkit dengan semua negativiti tersebut. And I've had enough with mine already.


But recently I got easily frustrated.


Makin lama aku bertolak ansur, makin menjadi-jadi pula. Seolah-olah disebabkan aku selalu mengalah dan memilih untuk melupakan serta memaafkan, perasaan aku diabaikan terus. Aku macam patung yang boleh orang tolak sana sini sesuka hati.


Semua dengan satu jaminan,
"Alah Qila tu takpe, dia okay je."


Bukan meminta untuk dibalas setiap budi dan kebaikan, cuma kalau tak mahu memudahkan janganlah pula menyusahkan.


Aku tak pernah berdendam dengan sesiapa. Marah macam mana pun tak pernah sampai terlintas dalam kepala untuk membalas dendam.


Kalaulah nak ikutkan semua sakit hati yang terkumpul, aku boleh jadi lebih syaitan daripada segala syaitan yang wujud.


Beberapa hari ini aku kerap terkesan, hatta perkara kecil sekalipun.
Dan segala kemarahan, sakit hati yang tersimpan semua melonjak.


Apa yang aku boleh cakap, jangan dicabar sabarnya orang yang sentiasa sabar.


Selagi tiada kata maaf yang aku terima, selagi itu aku takkan halalkan segala apa yang dilakukan. Jangan menilai aku jahat kalau engkau sendiri tak pernah baik pada aku.

Mar 7, 2017

A Talk On Beautiful


Beautiful could be defined as many things. Its subjective. Different people will have a different view of what beautiful truly is.


For me, beautiful is strong.
Strong is beautiful.


Beautiful is being able to wake up from bed and face the tough upcoming days, even when the world is dreading you down. Lifting up your inner spirit when those small voices whispering in your head to just give up, and stop becoming the warrior of your own life.


Beautiful is when you have the guts to forgive someone, even when your heart shattered into pieces, and trust is nowhere to be found.


Beautiful is when you put on your smile and keep spreading kindness despite the ugly truth of the sick society around you. To preserve some humanity, and stop following the crowds. Just because majority of 'em chose one thing to stand up for, doesn't mean its the right thing to do.


Beautiful is finding a little bit of hope, holding on to the last piece of faith, and keep moving on. Believing in the power of white, to at least give some light in the world full of darkness.


Beautiful is by being the changes you wanted the world to be.


Beautiful is by being strong.





Happy International Women's Day.

Mar 4, 2017

Vision Board


I did nothing productive today. Basically just lay down on my bed with phone in my hand.


Strolling around Facebook and Instagram, saw few of my friends whom in their final year of MBBS finally passed their Final Professional Exam. A smile rises from this cracked lips of mine.


Congratulations, fellow doctors.
Nothing beats that satisfaction of achieving something you've worked hard for years.


Doctors for nation -
I truly, deeply, strongly believe in all of you.


* * * * * * * * * *


I'm currently working on something called 'Vision Board'.


I stumbled upon this idea on YouTube, from a Psychology scholar named Jess. She's suggesting this as a way to stimulate your subconscious mind of things you want to achieve, as well as boosting your inner motivation to reach that goals of yours.


"A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life."


In a simple way to understand, tampal gambar berkaitan apa-apa impian yang kita mahu capai dan letak pada dinding atau mana-mana tempat yang mudah dilihat setiap hari.


This is what we called the power of imagination.


Image result for vision board tumblr


Creating and using vision boards serves several purposes, some of which include helping you to:


  1. Identify your vision and give it clarity.
  2. Reinforce your daily affirmations.
  3. Keep your attention on your intentions.


For A Clearer View Of What Your Goal Is


For example, to say “I want a better life” is a fine goal, but have you give some serious thought to exactly what that means? Try to envision what your “better life” looks like.


In order to create a vision board, you must actively seek images that represent specific details of this wonderful new life. That means narrowing it down to specifics, depending on your personal views.


For some, a better life might mean having a new car or home.
Others may be seeking a new relationship or improvements in existing relationships.


For me, I envision "better life" as being happy with whatever I have, regardless whatever I don't.


Making a vision board is a wonderful way to bring clarity to that general desire and turn it into an achievable goal, because words and motivational posters sometimes ain't enough to draw our attention into working hard for your dreams.


Related image


A Vision Board for Your Daily Affirmations


Once you dream it, the next step is to believe it. In addition to images, vision boards can include words, phrases or sentences that affirm your intentions.


Somehow, we must silence the mindchatter that plagues us all every minute of every waking hour. You know that little voice in your head that never shuts up, the one that supports and promotes all your limiting beliefs by repeating an endless words of every shortcoming you could possibly have (and some you couldn’t possibly have) and every reason why you can’t or shouldn’t or won’t ever be, do or have what you really want. All those negative thoughts.


Affirmations are that little voice’s worst enemy.


Affirmations express who you really are, release you from those limiting beliefs, and allow you to know that the possibilities really are UNlimited.


Image result for vision board tumblr


A Vision Board Keeps You Focused


Finally, another key purpose that vision boards serve is to help you stay focused. It isn’t difficult to start each day with a positive attitude – until you get out of bed.


How quickly that fresh “new me” attitude can sink back into oblivion beneath the tasks and challenges of everyday life. How can you possibly remain focused on any goal while people and circumstances constantly pull you in dozens of directions at once? By using a vision board, of course!


No matter what happens during your day, your vision board is a constant reminder of where you intend to be. Appealing to you on both conscious and subconscious levels, a vision board can work wonders toward keeping your mind focused on your goal, your attention on your intentions, and your life headed in the direction you choose.





I'll put on my Vision Board here once its complete.
Until then, do pray for my motivation!


End of Posting for Primary Care posting in T-minus 10 days.

Mar 3, 2017

Epilog Puisi 365


Setelah sekian lama bayang itu tidak muncul. Hari ini, bilamana aku terdengar bait suara yang bertahun lamanya aku simpan dekat, aku menoleh.


Masih ada sesuatu yang bertamu.


Walau sudah berakhir, walau sudah capai kata damai untuk penghujung sebuah buku, rasa yang mendatang itu tetap tidak asing, tetap mengundang satu ingatan.


Meski waktu juga silih berganti dan cabang laluan kian menjauh, aku tetap tidak lupa akan sebuah rumah kecil yang dibina. Yang bertahun menjadi bumbung, menaungi setiap jatuh bangun.


Rumah kecil untuk aku berjalan pulang, tanpa mengira jauh mana aku menapak pergi.


Aku hanya mampu memandang sepi, berharap nanti bilamana bayang itu pergi menebar sayap ke benua lain, aku yang tertinggal di belakang mampu menghela nafas untuk turut terbang.


Segalanya sudah berlalu.
Tapi entah kenapa malam ini ingatan itu hadir, menghentak aku hingga ke penjuru.


Semoga bintang terang yang suatu masa dahulu bersinar terang akan terus hidup memberi cahaya buat yang mencari arah. Sebagaimana aku dahulu.



Mar 2, 2017

Revenge : Will You Feel Better?

Revenge can be a strong urge, but you may not feel better if you act on it.


Understanding how emotions and thoughts influence behavior is important for people who have intense emotions and are often ruled by them. Knowledge about emotions and the thoughts that strengthen or soften those emotions can help people develop ways to better manage their actions.


One urge that people experience but rarely discuss is revenge.


The struggle with revenge is centuries old. Shakespeare said, 


"If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?"


Shakespeare clearly thought revenge was as normal and predictable as the sun rising.
Maybe, but what about the idea that revenge is self-destructive? Confucius said, 


"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."


Gandhi seemed to agree with him when he said, 


"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."


Revenge seems to be one of the deepest instincts we have. Who hasn't said, "I hope he gets his," or wished that Karma would strike sooner rather than later? Out of control revenge, attack and counterattack, can be blinding and destroy the lives of all involved. But our instincts and emotions usually serve a purpose.


Researchers and theorists believe that revenge is a form of establishing justice and that the threat of revenge may serve as a form of protection, a kind of enforcement of social cooperation. Maybe the purpose of revenge is in preventing certain hostile actions or the threat of revenge insures people do not hurt you in the future. But sometimes people act revengeful when no good can come of their actions, other than to inflict suffering on others. Those actions can go to unfathomable extremes. From lovers running over a beloved iPhone or destroying what their ex most values, to businessmen damaging the careers of those who have rejected them, to students opening fire in school hallways, revenge can be an act of anger, hurt and power.


Carlsmith suggests that the reason revenge increases anger rather than decreasing it is because of ruminations. When people don't get revenge, they tend to trivialize the event by telling themselves that because they didn't act on their vengeful feelings, it wasn't a big deal. Then it's easier to forget it and move on. But when people do get revenge, they can no longer trivialize the situation. Instead, they go over and over it and feel worse.


There were some situations in which revenge could be satisfying. Two possibilities.


One was that revenge alone wasn't enough for the avenger to have satisfaction. The offender must know the connection between the original insult and the retaliation. He called that the "understanding hypothesis."


The second possibility was that of "comparative suffering." This meant that seeing an offender suffer was important. His research results showed that the only situation when acting on revenge was more satisfying than not acting on revenge was when the offender understood and acknowledged why the act of revenge had occurred. He described this "understanding hypothesis" as reestablishing justice.


The problem, according to Eric Jaffe, is that while the avenger often believes the offender received "just desserts," the offender usually perceives the retaliation as too harsh. Thus an endless cycle could follow. Most people understand this concept. So why do people continue to believe in and have such strong urges for revenge?


Ariely states that revenge and trust are opposite sides of the same coin. Perhaps the idea that people believe revenge restores justice is really about reestablishing trust.


The tendency to seek revenge did not depend on whether the actual person responsible for the offense suffered, but only that someone associated with the offense pay. Time passing helped lower the urge for revenge for small annoyances. In addition, apologies completely counteracted the effect of small annoyances. When an apology was given, the participants did not extract revenge. Please note this was a one time annoyance, not a series of repeated offenses.


As with all internal experiences, being mindful of what you are experiencing is the first step. Thoughts of revenge apparently feel good and may be a basic human instinct, perhaps to help us survive. Accept your urges and thoughts of revenge  as a basic human response related to trust.


Trust is important in any relationship and critical for cooperative societies. When you are thinking about revenge, it usually means you believe trust has been broken.  Remember, while the anticipation of revenge may feel pleasurable, the actual carrying out of revenge brings little satisfaction and may create more problems and suffering. Acts of revenge do not repair trust or restablish a sense of justice for both parties.


Wait until you are calm emotionally and can think rationally before making any decisions. This is the cold part of "revenge is a dish best served cold." If you act impulsively on such urges you are likely to create more suffering for yourself and others and regret your actions.


Consider whether the loss of trust is justified. Do you have all the facts? If not, get clarity about what truly happened before taking any action or making any decisions. If someone has acted in ways that truly are untrustworthy and hurtful, then task suggested by your thoughts and urges is to find ways to repair the trust or to move forward in a different direction. Maybe there has been a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, or maybe there is a problem that could be solved.


Would a  dialogue with the offending person to explain your position be helpful for you, even if nothing changed? Would the offending person be willing to listen? Sometimes expressing your views and feelings is helpful. An apology could be quite healing and having a dialogue could give the offending person the opportunity to do that.


Learn from the experience. Were there signs of problems that you ignored? Were you careful about who you trusted? What positive changes can you make based on what you have learned?  How do you see yourself as a result of this experience? Did you make decisions that show self-respect and reflect your values, regardless of how the other person behaved?


Focus on what is in your control and take the next right step. Sometimes it may be that standing up for yourself is the right step, but doing so in a positive way rather than for revenge.


Practice radical acceptance that some people will break your trust. That is a statement about them, not about you. Your response is about you. When you are emotionally sensitive, you may experience many situations in which you feel hurt by others and those urges for revenge can be managed.


Reference :
Karyn Hall Ph.D. - Pieces of Mind.

Mar 1, 2017

Tentang Ikhlas


Ikhlas itu seperti semut hitam yang berjalan diatas batuan paling hitam.
Tak ternampak oleh mata kasar.


Aku kira perkara yang paling sukar untuk disemai, dan juga dididik dalam diri adalah sifat ikhlas.